酒夜过后~~

不懂自己现在想怎样~想和人分享可是有怕人知道~虽然告诉了一个人~可是她却安慰不到我。。。我真的不懂想怎样。。

失去了信心。。。

房间开始变得静静，再也没有他的声音，整天都每说过话,时间也变得很慢过。。。。今天是情人节，也是新年， 我不开心不是因为没有情人的新年，是因为我和他的感觉已不存在。真的很不开心，不敢把自己的心情post在自己的wallpost，是怕别人笑我傻，笑我笨。已把自己的心情写在另一个自己的wallpost. 不是他所说的要向别人炫耀，向别人同情。。只是想让人知道现在自己的心情是真的很差。。很悲。 我的信心应该再也不能找回。。。。它躲着，埋没真实的自己。这天再也哭不出来，开始不懂自己哭的方法， 是不是因为一样的事发生了又再发生，才会变得不懂怎么在去应付？

Friday...

UK time : 2.30pm to 7.30pm Malaysia time 10.30pm to 3.30am. The long Friday give us the time to have a long talk....i think it's consider as a bed talk story. I remember he asked me three question. "what the thing u normally do b4 u know me?", "Are u always telling ppl ur secret?" and something question about "what's going on with ur frenship?". i answered all the question honestly....and i do cry quitely when answering question about the frenship. Cos i told him that matter about i don't have a long term frenship b4. He suggest to do a bet for me and his frenship. I agree to do that, cos i know...the frenship of me and he will be ending b4 june. Our bet is ,if he still keep good contact with me over 25th june, then he will gonna win this betting, and i need to cook for he. The rules in this betting are cannot mention the "estimate of our future frenship in the time" and "cannot keep repeating have a bad luck star". Hahaha.... i know even i no mention all these thing, is still the same... i really can't believe i will get a good fren. Cos i said, already 21years! i still haven't get one true fren! Anyway...i also wish me and he have a good frenship forever... but i think this is just a hope... i don't think the wish will come true.

我不懂。。。

已经夜深了，刚从朋友的生日派对回来，发现了很多另我不愉快的事情。原来我这人到现在还交不到好朋友。本来自己觉的到新的地方，会有新的开始，　可是这全都假的。她是我想交的朋友，　她是我想把她当成知己，可是她不当我是了。　是我自己把事情看的太重，还是事情的事实？事情是这样的，我得不到她刚从过外买会来的手信。就是每个人有，我没有。为什么？虽然是一个糖果而已，可是它能带表对一个人的重视，和带表对一个人的想念，友情。我真的很不开心，独自在房间流泪，泪水在框框里打滚，眼睛开始看不清荧幕。是我个人问题，还是？我知到我不爱社交，可是不决的是因为这样。为什么我每当开始跟一个朋友要好时，就是ｅｎｄｉｎｇ　的开始？是不是人家说的指背星跟随着我？可以不要在跟着我吗？我真的很难过。。。有人说我灰心了，当然我是灰心，因为时间以埋没我的信心。二十一年了，我只想找个好友在我开心时替我开心，而不是嫉妒我，伤心时安慰我。就算这全都没有，最基本的，我也想有个朋友在他们伤心时想到我，要我的安慰也好吧？可是。。。没有。　:( 有时觉的自己快疯了。就是因为这样，才喜欢制造故事在网上骗人。因为第一次的骗话，让我交了好多的朋友，接下来。。。我就成了网上的大话精，有的没的都乱说一偏。我也不想。。。。。我想找一个真真的属于我的故事。

I don't know wat i am thinking.

Today.....not,is not today....is yesterday.....no...isn't yesterday....is.....hmm... i don't know which the day i know he. He is the one i know from FB. He said, he try to know me because i have wrote a funny description in my FB which have a cute and pretty picture but is written using fat and ugly to decribe myself.And the important is i am fat and ugly. haha..However,we have a cat and dog chat through msn, funny chatting all the time. I still remember the first time i tried to call he tru the msn , from the first impression he shocked by my voice. He can't believe that my voice is not match with my face.But he still don't want to admit that, he said is special... haha anyway... just take it as special, i can accept! We start talking almost every evening after my class (uk time) but in malaysia is midnight and almost in the early morning. He doesn't have a good sleep, i had ask he to sleep but he doesn't want. I don't know wheather is becos me or just he got the insomnia. He told me even he is sleeping he also thinking wheather i have leave a msg in his msn. Are he really like me or just try to flower mouth? Yeah... i admit i got some feeling on he, but i can't fall in someone i don't know right?cos i easily falling in love to someone on net when i am boring or lonely. i don't know... i miss he too...i got the same feeling with he too, i miss he when i am sleeping, but i can't tell him right?And will he treat me same as now if he know my real look and i am lying he? i dont want he keep thinking we have the chance to be together, cos i dunnot know.Maybe this is the thing i believe "fate"， we have fate but no have the chance?

Reason to write a blog

what's bring me here? Cos i want someone give comment and suggestion in my love story, frenship story...and all the old old story. I don't want to keep thinking the way to solve all these problem when during the class, cooking, doing homework and walking on the street. Cos it make me no concentrate, dreaming in class, holding a pen for one to two hours and bangs by car. Before this, i always said people are stupid writting a blog and let the other one know their secret. "i think i should slap my own in this time." I am a newbie and apologize for my poor english and i have no choice write in english because my chinese is worst than english eventhou i am not a banana. Alright... the first day i am just write a short passage... i will continue for the other days. :D nite